Sunday Scaries: Mourning Joy + Alchemizing the Gloom
Good grief. I was not expecting this, whew.
The Sunday scaries are SO real tonight. I’ve had a fantastic-ass week + weekend, and I really don’t wanna let it gooo 😭 My mind is ruffling up all kinds of thoughts: Will these immaculate vibrations leave me as the week leaves? Was this time a short glitch in the matrix, and now I’m back to dying the slow death of dullness and redundancy “they” want us all to succumb to so badly? Is there a way to escape the morbid and melancholy in the mundane? Is this gloom a portend into bad karma on its way—a delayed and impending punishment from actions of another space and time? Is this fear the consequence of my actions… or lack of actions (I never did fold those clothes and put them away)? Am I just ain’t shit? Am I no longer “safe”? Is that job no longer on the table? Am I lonely? Or am I just horny? My period starts in 3 days… maybe that’s it? Should I eat something sweet to savor the sweetness that was this week?
The list goes on…
Isn’t it strange how good times can trigger grief?
I was quite literally coasting through this Full Moon in Libra up until this point. This Full Moon was / is a call to restore order, harmony, and balance within Self AND within community. And baby, community was giving everything it needed to give this past week. But this right here, right now, is about the community I have within myself.
This is about deepening intimacy within myself. This is about doing the unglamorous, “hard” things. This is about cultivating deeper discipline. This is a call for continued shadow work.
Doing the work (even when I don’t want to)
If I’m being honest, I’m proud of myself—because I felt this coming on early last week and actively booked a Reiki session with my Reiki master teacher to help me recharge & realign. It was scheduled for Friday, but I rescheduled to say yes to a last-minute invite to Six Flags, a MUCH-needed inner child activation that I thoroughly enjoyed.
So now, my appointment is scheduled for tomorrow. Almost there, little duck.
I *plan* to take a spiritual bath this week to help reset the vibe. I’m also absolutely getting back into the gym and my bodywork next week. It’s so clear the difference I feel when I invest in my body vs. when I don’t. Even now—me writing this instead of doom scrolling—is a big sign of growth and wisdom & creative integration. I’m applying the tools I have to restore my flow. That’s real self care and self love.
Today, I chose joy (again).
So back to mourning this week: In the image attached to this entry is a glimpse of me savoring the last lil bit of the vibes. I could have easily eaten this meal, taken my Zoom call, and had my nap at home, but these days I look for any reason, way, excuse, or occasion to spark joy or invite play. My inner child is thee main character right now.
This was fun. This was nourishing. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It reminded me that amping up my free will is always an option. Someone like me appreciates the constant reminder. I can totally have it my way.
If I’m keeping it a buck, the beach was also a timely and wonderful distraction from adulting — things like washing dishes & folding clothes (hahaha!) — but I’m not mad about it.
Deeeeeeep breath.
I really wanna doom scroll to cope with these Sunday scaries, but instead, I’m choosing to self-regulate.
To use my tools (which as stating I’m already doing).
To alchemize these feels into an invocation / invitation for more good times ahead.
This is the invisible work.
This is the shit nobody (likes to) talks about. The moments that never make the highlight reel. The shadows that emerge after golden hour. I’m sharing this transparency moment for two reasons:
Balance / To share that we all deal with this stuff.
Self-accountability.
That’s it. That’s the post. That’s all I got, folks.
In closing: Some amazing experiences had / shared this week:
Some amazing meals with great company
Impromptu game night with old homies + new homies
Doula brunch + connecting with an elder doula IRL that I admire
Beautiful + affirming Reiki client sessions
Being proven right about something I’ve been saying since A YEAR AGO (el oh el)
Petty but true.
Communicating my needs IMMEDIATELY – self-worth been on a billi
Saved $$$ on an unexpected car issue because I’m brilliant
Six Flags inner child activation – seriously thee best day!!
Sweet honey
Thee most gorgeous hike with my doula sisters + a new friend
SUN TIME!! NATURE TIME!!
3 tacos + 2 cupcakes + 1 bomb-ass nap on the beach
Stevie… always Stevie 🐶
Final Reflection 🪞✨
All things said + considered… If I experienced it once, I can experience it again. And it can even get better. So I’m welcoming in all the good things. I deserve it. I am worthy!
